I have this problem….of occasionally being over confident. I either think I am the greatest thing on the planet or a worthless piece of shit. I either think I am the best and can conquer anything or I should just stop trying and run into oncoming traffic. With food, I tend to be overconfident.
I think, Oh yea I can totally have that and be fine! Or, ill just snack here and there, no problem! I can skip breakfast , I am so busy, I’ll make up for it at lunch! I am here to tell you….NOPE! Maybe in like 6 months to a year, yes definitely, I 100 percent believe I will be at that level.
I have just kind of let go of the meal plan structure because I felt like I was beyond that. Even though I have had an eating disorder for over 16 years, that within 3 months, I was basically cured….. I guess you don’t learn until you try, right? Food has been a bit more difficult the last month or so. I have noticed myself getting more obsessed with fitness chicks on IG, counting calories, looking up nutritional info at restaurants before going in, calculating macros, which, the crazy thing is, society tells is these are all GREAT things to do!!! That is almost the hardest part! We are constantly being told to count calories, limit food if you’re going out to eat later, drink water before a meal to eat less, count macros, all this diet mentality all the time! By not being on a diet or trying to alter my physical appearance I feel like something is wrong with me.
But back to the point of this post….being a speed eater.
You guys, you would think I was raised in a house of 7 boys and I was the only girl and we had to fight for our food. I am not sure where it stems from. I did hear a good podcast on this topic and habits, I will try and find it and share it.
I notice the things I tend to speed eat, besides all the things, are sweets in particular. Anytime I am eating sweets, I am in super speed mode. I often have a sense of guilt while I’m doing it. If I am out in public though, I usually have little to none, but if I am home and “letting myself” eat ice cream, chocolates, cookies, whatever, I eat it really quick…just to try and get it over with. Maybe to try and avoid a binge? Either way I need to work on this. I think part of this comes from labeling that food as bad and also not allowing myself to eat it often enough.
I am going to try and incorporate “treat” foods into my diet more consistently. I am going to try and be very mindful of what is going into my mouth and taste it. Not feel rushed or guilt. I will try this for a week or two and report back.