Flash backs

I haven’t written much about my mom on here yet. It hasn’t felt right.

This morning I was in the kitchen and heard a loud crash, like a garbage truck ran into a wall. It sent me back to the time I was in a car accident with my brother and we wrapped the car around a telephone pole on Locust Road. I stuck my head out the window but didn’t see much. Within a couple of minutes the sirens were ringing and I knew it was in fact a car crash. I was about to head out the door to bike down to PSU. Part of me started getting a little adrenaline rush because I wanted to see what happened, which is such a strange human response.Why do I want to see something potentially tragic, why does that peek my interest?

As I lugged my bike down the stairs and turned the corner I saw the accident. A car going up a one way that was going down. What I didn’t predict to happen was my response to the situation. I saw the woman in the white kia, windshield bashed in, the other car off to the side, also totaled also with a person sitting inside the vehicle, dust and smoke still settling. I remember my accident when I was 14 and how shook up I was and how I am still scared of driving at night from the accident. I saw the woman being assisted out of her car and assisted to the stretcher by the paramedics. I had this urge to run to her. I wanted to hold her hand and tell her I am so sorry this happened and I am so glad she is ok, Find out where her family is, tell her she is loved and that the shakes will eventually settle. I wanted her to feel better, in hopes of it making me feel better. Because also at that moment, I saw my mom.

I saw my mom laying in the hospital bed at Harbor view medical, lifeless, half her head shaved with a tube going into her skull trying to reduce some of the swelling that had accumulated in her brain since she fell off the ladder. I saw her wrist in a cast, which I am assuming broke which she landed on the concrete. I remembered so painfully vivid the doctor coming in and telling me my mom was not going to live and screaming into a blanket repeating over and over “its not supposed to go this way!!” Hearing my brother being hit by the same pain that I was. Being in a room with my closest family and having our lives be changed by his few words. Because up until that point you couldn’t help but hold on to that glimmer of hope that “she is going to be ok. She is a strong women. In a few hours she will be giving me a hug and in a week she will be back at home.” Thinking how I cant wait till we can look back on this. But that is not how it went.

Thankfully I saw both of those individuals in the car accident walk away from the scene. They are very lucky.

Life is so precious.

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