I feel like I am becoming my greatest fear. I feel like what I have been judgmental of in others t is what I am doing. But now I have a better understanding and appreciation for different paths people choose.
I am thinking of a few examples. One- the girls the sell mary kay, rhoden and fields, scentsy, or that are trying to get me on their new fitness routine or buy their beach body workouts…whatever it is! I always thought to myself ” I NEVER want to reach that point in my life where I am trying to sell make up out of my living room!” But you know what?! KUDOS TO THOSE LADIES! Way to go out there and be a confident, self motivated business woman! It is scary and unpredictable to do that for work, it isn’t the safest route but maybe those people are like me and the though of a 9 to 5 desk job feels like a death sentence.
As a society we are taught there is this linear path in life and you follow it and you are successful and people like you. The End.
This path makes me want to rip my eye balls out!!!
Our lives are so short, SO SHORT.
I think of my mom who passed away on 10/22/2016 very unexpectedly and abruptly.I feel like at the age of 60 (?) ( i always forget her birthday!!) She was finally starting to live the life she deserved and wanted. She never wanted to go into dental hygiene, she wanted to be a vet, pressure from her father forced her into dental hygiene. I don’t want to spend the precious days of this short beautiful life trying to fulfill what society says is the right way to do life. I was working the closest thing I ever had to a “career type job” and I was miserable. I felt like everyday I was a square trying to go into a round hole.. I am scared of living my whole life and never reach my full potential, never touching peoples lives ,even if it is just a few, never doing what I was put on this earth to do. Maybe I am full of ego. Maybe I think I am this magnificent creature that has power to change peoples lives. Maybe I need to slow my roll and take the desk job and just be a “worker among workers”. I was recently talking to a girlfriend and she said maybe I need more discipline in my life and i do not disagree with that, i am lucky to have friends that can say stuff like that (thanks Brit) I don’t know yet but I am going to keep looking until I figure it out. I don’t think we need to live day in and day out going to a job we hate, feeling like we aren’t really living. I get that work is work and you are never going to love anything or anyone 100% but I just don’t think I have found my niche yet.