Road to recovery… kind of a pain in the ass

I am 3 weeks post op. TODAY! I think I am recovering pretty nicely. I am amazed at good my scar looks! The did internal stitches and then put a glue on the outside to keep it is really almost beautiful. The pain is tolerable. I went for my second run today since surgery and the whole month of December I fell off the fitness wagon. I was eating like shit, I probably ran 3 times , so my degree of fitness has been on the down hill for about two months, meaning the last two runs have been anything but enjoyable. It is really discouraging to REbuild your endurance, like, really,. I ran 3.67 miles and the next two days after that I was incredible sore! TWO DAYS! After that my mind went straight to “OMG, I am never going to be in shape again, my life is over! I should just buy ice cream and cinnamon toast crunch and sit at home in the dark eating until I die.” Over dramatic, yes, but real life thoughts. Another simultaneous thought was, “ok, fine, my body hurts, that doesn’t matter! It doesn’t really know what I need. I am going to get on triathlon training teams, join running groups, get a personal trainer, and a tri coach and work out twice a day until I am back at it!”Again, maybe a little over the top. I didn’t really realize how insane that second thought was until right now, no wonder my anxiety has been rising the last few days. I have a hard time just easing into things, letting them unfold.I feel like if i am pushing, in pain, feeling something uncomfortable, then it MUST be working. Folks, that doesn’t always have to be the case- which is still a very new concept for me. Just trying to take it easy for the next few weeks. Not obsess on my body, not hyper focus on my miles or weight lifting or anything, just try and listen to what my body is telling me, because I think it really knows.