The past year id say I have felt completely lost, lacking direction of any kind. People say to me, do what you enjoy, do what makes you happy, follow your heart. My heart says crawl under my covers, lock the doors and die in there. It also says register for all the events, spend time with all the people and never be alone. It says go to med school, be a lawyer..it also says, move to Mexico and live in a hut on the beach.
I am 30, unemployed sitting in a coffee shop, crying. Crying those silent but stead tears, thinking of my mom, blowing my nose, thinking I should have taken a shower because I smell and also not giving a shit. Some may say I live in extremes…..I do not disagree.
After losing my mom it has pretty much shifted how I think about everything. She was my safety net. She was who I called when I needed the support no one else can give me, the love of a mother. The understanding and compassion. I have never felt as loved and supported by anyone else. Knowing no matter what, she would be there- what a gift that is.